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Mental Health

Everyday courage

Dr. Paul | April 24, 2018 |
 
Female hiker with arms raised.

I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly courageous person. And, fortunately my bravery has never been tested under any extreme circumstances—war, fire, or in some situation that required heroism.  And for that, I’m grateful. I’m fundamentally a cautious person. Of course, like most adolescents, I did some risky things—but they didn’t involve courage, just an undeveloped teenage brain!

While most of us will never have the experience of plucking a child out of a burning building, leading a charge on a battlefield, or rescuing a drowning adult, we are regularly faced with... Read More

Losing your cool

Dr. Paul | March 20, 2018 |
 
Child in a blue shirt crying while losing her cool.

The other night I was tired, hungry, and feeling overwhelmed when I got home from work. It was a long day. My wife, who had a cold for several days, asked me to do something. I barked back at her.

I felt terrible.

Jill and Jim, with a new baby, both of whom work full-time, are often grumpy when their infant has a bad night. On those days, getting into a disagreement is as frequent as rainy days in a Northwest winter. But, when they’re sleep deprived—a minor conflict can turn into a vicious yelling match. After it’s over, they both feel awful.

How often do we lose our... Read More

Lessons from the Olympics

Boe | February 14, 2018 |
 
Olympic skiier.

I love watching the Olympics! It’s amazing to see these young athletes perform triple toe loops on the ice, aerials on the ski slopes, and unbelievable speed and daring in the downhill. In between watching events, we learn about the competitors, their lives, and how they found their way onto the Olympic stage.

These competitions break down the walls between nations and bring us together for the best of who we can be. And who doesn’t love it when their countrymen and women win gold! It’s a festival of light.

While I can barely remember the strength and power of my youth—I... Read More

Turn on the lights!

Dr. Paul | October 25, 2017 |
 
Illuminated bedroom table lamp.

When I moved to the Northwest 25 years ago, I was surprised by the short winter days. It got dark so early! I was ready for rain (after all, isn’t Seattle the rain capital of the Northwest?), but I was unprepared for the long dark nights that start in the late afternoon.

I found myself feeling groggy in the morning. I didn’t feel down, but it took me a long time to really wake up. I’m an early riser and waking up in a dark room was tough. I just didn’t want to get out of bed. And when I did, it took me a long time to get myself in gear. I guess someone like me invented the quadruple... Read More

Growing Your Self-Esteem

Dr. Paul | October 18, 2017 |
 
Confident female.

Amy wonders: “What’s my worth?” She measures her income, material wealth, appearance, and weight. She adds it up, subtracts by her age, divides by the size of her family, and multiplies by the value of her house. Out comes the sum of her worth.

Fortunately, net worth has little to do with self-worth. Having it all---good job, beautiful high-performing children, nice home, and respect in the community don't necessarily bring high self- regard. Indeed being “skinny and rich” doesn’t mean that you feel good about yourself either! Instead, self-esteem is elusive. It’s hard to grasp in... Read More

Recipe for life: Gratitude, resilience, and community

Dr. Paul | September 27, 2017 |
 
Community of friends.

Lately, it’s hard to pick up a newspaper. Hurricanes, one after another, have pounded the Caribbean, Florida, and Texas. Mexico has been beset with earthquakes—hundreds have died. It seems like the earth has been in a state of crisis, taking out its fury on innocent men, women, and children.

It’s easy to experience compassion fatigue. As soon as the new hurricane hit, we didn’t hear much about Houston anymore. But trust me, there are still thousands of people in Texas up to their eyebrows in water logged furniture, walls, and belongings.

What can we learn from these natural... Read More

Alcoholism & Substance Abuse

Dr. Paul | September 06, 2017 |
 
Man with a glass of whiskey.

Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend an Al-anon meeting with a family member. Alcoholism and substance abuse are equal opportunity diseases—they can impact families from all backgrounds. While I’ve recommended Al-anon to scores of my patients over the years, I had never actually attended a meeting myself.

Al-anon is a 12-step program, fashioned after Alcoholics Anonymous, that supports family members of alcoholics. Its goal--help participants find “peace and serenity” in the face of alcoholism and addiction.  Family members can easily fall into co-dependency, where they... Read More

We are more similar than different

Dr. Paul | July 26, 2017 |
 
Adult couple walking through the forrest.

It’s been a beautiful summer in the Pacific Northwest! The days are long, warm, and almost every afternoon has been sun kissed. Indeed, we are the land of the late day sun. After work, while the sun is still high, I enjoy walking around Green Lake in Seattle with the parade of after-dinner walkers. Kids are still splashing around in the water and there are battalions of standup boards paddling across the lake.

On those walks, I enjoy the diversity of our community. But I also notice how similar we all are to each other too. We all have most of the same equipment—heads, legs, and... Read More

Meditations on mortality

Dr. Paul | July 12, 2017 |
 
Reflecting on life in the summer sun.

On a recent air trip, the plane lurched, suddenly lost attitude, and shook violently. Many passengers screamed. The pilot told anyone standing to drop to the floor. It was a terrifying moment for everyone, and one I have never experienced before, after almost a half century of air travel.

I felt surprisingly tranquil. None of us knew what might happen next, but everyone on that plane wondered if this was the end. I held my wife’s hand, thinking that if we were to plunge to our deaths I wanted to be connected to her. I thought that if this was my time, so be it. Later my wife told me... Read More

Bring realistic expectations to summer vacation

Dr. Paul | June 28, 2017 |
 
Mother and daughter swimming on vacation.

School is out! It’s that time of year again. The birds are singing and the days are longer. It’s the season for family vacations!

Starting in May, I count the weeks till my vacation in August. My family treks to the seashore, to play in the sand. I fantasize about clams and salmon, the pounding surf, and long bicycle rides on winding roads. I see myself soaking up the sun, and letting the sea and sand repair my body, mind, and spirit. Anticipating this respite gives me a warm glow.

For many families, this yearly pilgrimage to the mountains, the San Juan’s, or exotic... Read More

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